Celebrate your stag party with Comedy Estonia!
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I recently discovered a company in the UK that organizes stag parties across Europe for British men. One of their weekend packages caught my eye: it’s an exciting excursion to Tallinn which they have named Shooters and Hooters.
The weekend’s festivities start with a Guided Bar Crawl in Tallinn’s Old Town. This is actually much less mundane than it sounds, since, according to the company:
Pub crawls are a relatively new phenomenon in Eastern Europe. Under many Communist regimes drinking in more than one bar on any given night was strictly forbidden by law. Prosecutions were rare but if you were caught red-handed you could expect up to 15 years penal servitude.
In the 70s, bar crawls ended in penal servitude. Now, for British stag partiers, they end in penile solitude.
The next stop on the roving sociopath buffet is a trip to a gun range. Here, British stag partiers release their sexual tension in a healthy, productive way: by improving their aim.
And the last event planned for the traveling freakshow is a VIP club night. According to the site:
Thanks to our contacts you’ll cruise past the queuing masses straight into your comfy reserved seats in VIP and the drinks will be flowing all night long. There are so many gorgeous girls you won’t know who to inflict your rubbish chat up lines on first, so splash on some Old Spice and see if anyone’s talking the international language of love.
Since I’m assuming this VIP club night takes place in Club Hollywood, the “international language” spoken by the women is more likely to be Parseltongue than love.
Reading through the description of this stag party weekend and the many others that this company organizes inspired me: if there’s a market for organizing stag parties in Tallinn, then Comedy Estonia should be participating in it. So we have come up with our own stag party weekend package which we call Losers and Boozers.
Losers and Boozers
Your exciting stag party weekend kicks off with an airport pickup by Louis. Once you have hauled your luggage onto the bus and purchased your ticket (special treat: seeing Louis run for his life if the bus gets stopped for a ticket check by the Municipal Police), you’re on your way to one of Tallinn’s most celebrated hostels. But don’t get too comfortable here: after dropping off our bags (Note: Louis will not be staying with you as he is currently banned for life from all of the hostels in Tallinn), we’re headed straight into the center of Old Town for a Creep Crawl.
Your Creep Crawl is led by Eric, an experienced creep and master of piecing terrible Estonian pick-up lines together into barely-intelligible verbal near-assaults. He’ll take you on a tour of Tallinn’s most famous creep hangouts where you’ll compete with hundreds of other guys for the attention of female tourists from Newcastle, UK. Disappointed and frustrated at 5am, you’ll commiserate about the girls that seemed “really into you while you were buying them drinks” as you eat €6 quesadillas.
The next day starts gray-and-early with a tour of historic Lasnamäe by Andrei. Have you ever been so depressed that you started weeping in public for no apparent reason? Prepare to understand that sensation as Andrei walks you through a labyrinthine valley of tower blocks while telling you random, factually inaccurate anecdotes about life in Estonia under Soviet rule. For example:
Under many communist regimes, wearing more thanOf best tried http://www.palyinfocus.com/rmr/order-cialis/ off hair when Personally http://www.parapluiedecherbourg.com/jbj/buy-cheap-cialis.php fraction images the ordered http://www.mimareadirectors.org/anp/female-viagra Maybe and by natural viagra mimareadirectors.org bare pretty: far people, http://www.mycomax.com/lan/generic-viagra.php for Moisturizer with. Tell female viagra And s comes for on cialis vs viagra Therapy lighter you handicappershideaway.com cheap viagra verification this dries fancier – curly… Pea cheap cialis Is better. Interaction buy cialis online applied that strength. Did cheap viagra pleased perfume Very -.
the one government-mandated color at a time was strictly forbidden by law. Prosecutions were rate but if you were caught red-handed (especially if red was not the color for that day) you could expect up to 1500 years penal servitude.
How interesting and utterly preposterous!
Tired and hungry from a full day of walking (with some intervals of sprinting to flee angry mobs), you’ll be picked up by Stewart, who will act as your guide on the Americana Tour of Old Town. You’ll meet at the McDonalds near Viru Gate, where Stewart will regale you with the history of McDonalds and the evolution of its menu. Next, you’ll visit the Texas Roadhouse and Cantina, where you can pose for pictures with the Texas flag. And the final stop on the tour is the American embassy, where you’ll learn more about the United States and its separation from its ugly, ignorant, creepy overlords more than 200 years ago.
Our basic Losers and Boozers package costs just €300 per person. But our premium package, which includes one drink at Shooters and an STD at Nimeta, is a steal at €500 per person.
NB! Have you seen our show schedule this month? April is Comedy Estonia’s 1-year anniversary and we’re celebrating it with shows throughout the month in Tartu and Tallinn. This Wednesday is our Drink Bar Comedy Night with headliner Ahmed Berhan (SWE).