Louis Zezeran
BILL BAILEY IN TALLINN! NOV 11!
GET TICKETS AT TICKETPRO and PILETILEVI!
Bill Bailey, musicial comedian extraordinaire and “Manny” from Black Books is coming to Tallinn on Nov 11th with his new show, Quampeddler!
Bill Bailey had doubts about the modern world, but these
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have now grown into qualms. He will be channeling these feelings of unease and apprehension with the help of religious dubstep, his folk bouzouki, horntallica, a re-appraisal of some of the world’s greatest works of art and perhaps a dub version of Downton Abbey. He looks at the consequences of lies, the unending search for the higgs and the hiding skills of dentists. Bill tries to confront his cluster-qualm of living in a time of spectacular ignorance and rare planetary alignment. Come savour this broth of anxiety with Bill Bailey, Qualmpeddler.
This show has the all classic Bill Bailey elements, trademark musical mash-ups, multi-lingual riffs, films, songs, philosophizing and silliness on a grand scale… Plus one amazing owl.
“He’s a genius, full stop. Calling this Swiftian satirist, versatile multi-instrumentalist and gifted actor merely a comic genius is like calling Michelangelo a house painter.”
THE WEST AUSTRALIAN
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The show is presented by Mikkeller
Comedy Estonia presents: Comedy Night Mini-Tour, Viljandi-Tartu-Tallinn, from 5th-7th Nov
Gray skies coming? Nights getting longer? Who cares when you have fantastic comedy nights to laugh it away! Comedy Estonia has got you covered on that. For November we have planned a little mini-tour, without even noticing it. Well here is what we have to offer:
This month we have the return of one of our most loved headliners, Paul Myrehaug. The very likeable Canadian opened our Sõprus show in June and then we took him to Pärnu and both shows were amazing. Paul liked Estonia so much he couldn’t wait to come back!
Our second special guest is Darius Davies from England. He just completed his first Edinburgh show “HBÖ Special”, the show which the real HBO labeled “a copyright infringement and exploitation for profit of our good name”. Yup, he really got a cease and desist from HBO for using the name. Darius is excellent, down to earth guy and you are going to love him.
On the 7th Nov in Hetk we have one final special guest: Igor Meerson (RUS). Remember when we did a Russian language show in Sõprus? Yup, no one else does either but Igor was one of the stars, he is like one of the biggest Stand Ups in Russia and he is totally killer in English too.
Along with our guys we have the Comedy Estonia crew
Stewart Johnson
Sander Õigus (performing in Estonian)
Elen Veenpere
and host:
Louis Zezeran
But now a little introduction to the venues.
First up is Pärimusmuusika Ait in Viljandi and Comedy Estonia is proud to present our first ever English Comedy Night in Viljandi! Our Estonian show there last year was an super excellent night and we can’t wait to be back standing in front of that brick wall in the Ait. Aaaaiiiiitt?
Second night will take place in Tartu, where last month we were visit by Dylan Moran and can you believe Dylan Moran came to Tartu!!! We still can’t. Did you see him wondering the streets? And you didn’t go talk to him! Ah! Now we have all calmed down from that we can get all excited again for the next Tartu Comedy Night in Vilde!
For the last night you have to be in Tallinn and just join us in HETK, the coolest new comedy venue for our monthly show where you can sit downstairs or upstairs and still enjoy the action!
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Nov 5th @ Pärimusmuusika Ait
Show starts 20.00
Tickets are 5€/7€ available at Piletilevi (soon) or at the door (CASH ONLY)
Nov 6th @ Vilde Lokaal & Kohvik
Show starts 20.00
Tickets are 5€/6€ available at the door (CASH ONLY)
Nov 7th @ HETK
Show starts 20.00
Tickets are 6€ available at the door (CASH ONLY)
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CANCELLED: Stand Up Comedy with Louis & Stewart feat. Luisa Omielan “What would Beyoncé do?!” Oct 16
GET THE TICKETS FOR 12€ FROM PILETILEVI
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Hey everyone, want to remind you that due to illness from Luisa tonight’s show is cancelled. She had a pretty bad chest infection but she is recovering in bed now and will be totally fine in a few days. Her show is pretty energetic, singing, dancing, jumping around so she definitely couldn’t do the show in her state.
Better news is WE HAVE RESCHEDULED LUISA FOR DEC 11th. YAY!
For the moment we will just cancel all tickets, the vast majority of people bought online and that’s really hard to selectively refund. INTERNET PURCHASES ARE AUTOMATICALLY REFUNDED.
If you bought a physical ticket just take it back to the place of purchase for a refund. I understand going to the kiosk is a bummer, if you want to come on Dec 11th AND you have a physical ticket, just keep the tickets and we will honor them. Just contact us here on FB to tell you will be going this so we know how many extra seats to reserve for you.
Again, we are so sorry and I know how many of you were as keen to see Luisa as I was. Thanks for being cool and understanding
/ Louis Zezeran
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Our main event each month at the super hip and cool Kino Sõprus is “Stand Up Comedy with Louis & Stewart”. This show is the best comedy gets, a brilliant venue along with performances by world class comedians. Oh and Louis & Stewart host the whole thing too!
This month we present something special, Luisa Omielan and her full hour show “What would Beyoncé do?!”.
Luisa has
fast become a cult hit word-of-mouth sensation in the UK with her sell-out show What would Beyoncé do?!. It sprung from a cramped, dingy room above a pub on the Edinburgh Free-Fringe in 2012, to selling out numerous London and Edinburgh runs, all extended due to phenomenal demand.
This is an uproariously funny feel-good show, combining a party atmosphere with Omielan’s brutally raw honesty and fearless approach to subject matter so often shied away from by her peers. This is a very personal story of heartbreak, devastation and unemployment aged thirty, woven together with Omielan’s mercilessly sharp wit and the lyrics of her personal role model, Beyoncé. This ‘Queen B of Comedy’ (WhatsOnStage *****) is certainly one to watch.
“So fresh, so original, so funny” Vogue
As always the Comedy Estonia beer, “Punch line” by Mikkeller is available, ready to be enjoyed by audience and comedian a-like.
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Appearing on the night
Luisa Omielan (UK) “What would Beyoncé do?!”
Elen Veenpere
Hosts
Louis Zezeran
Stewart Johnson
Doors: 19:15
The performance is in English
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Tickets are 12€ in presale from Piletilevi
Read Dylan’s Interview in Lithuania
beautiful country-
4. What is the feeling when you are standing on the stage, telling jokes and seeing some people in the first row who are not laughing at all and maybe even seems to be bored? How do you cope with this?
Just come if you like.
HETK Comedy Night, Oct 3rd feat. Dane Baptiste (UK)
We had a great season opener at HETK last month and we are back with another all new show on Oct 3rd! This month our special guests are two amazing young comedians, Dane Baptiste and Yemi Afolabi!
Dane Baptiste is a stand up comedian from South East London. He first won acclaim on the urban circuit performing alongside some of its biggest stars.
Since moving over to the mainstream circuit he has risen up the ranks quickly achieving notable success in numerous comedy competitions and is now a regular at some of the most famous venues including Up the Creek, Comedy Café, Frog & Bucket and Jongleurs.
Known for his amicable stage persona, his brilliant take on all
of life’s irritations and his phenomenal gift to tame some of the most difficult of crowds; Dane Baptiste is on the verge of greatness.
“Dane Baptiste is a brilliantly original and truly gifted new comedy star”
James Longman, Series Producer, Nevermind the Buzzcocks & Celebrity Juice
This month again we have DJ Tõnis Mölder from 19:15 playing the tunes and setting the funky vibe for you.
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Performing on the night:
Dane J. Baptiste (UK)
Yemi Afolabi (NYC)
Stewart Johnson
Mikael Meema
Sander Õigus
Host: Louis Zezeran
Entry is 6€ at the door
DJ Tõnis Mölder from 19:15
Show starts at 20:00
Sweden’s Biggest Comedian, Magnus Betnér returns to Tallinn at Kino Sõprus!
Our main event each month at the super hip and cool Kino Sõprus is “Stand Up Comedy with Louis & Stewart” where we present two of the best International comedians both giving an extended headline performance. This show is the best comedy gets, a brilliant venue along with performances by world class comedians. Oh and Louis & Stewart host the whole thing too!
Tickets are 12€ and available from Piletilevi
As always the Comedy Estonia beer, “Punch line” by Mikkeller is available, ready to be enjoyed by audience and comedian a-like.
Our main headliner is Magnus Betnér who is undoubtedly the biggest and best comedian in Sweden. Often compared to ‘Lenny Bruce & Bill Hicks’, Betnér is already a legend in Sweden and stands alone as a unique and incomparable Protagonist. Here is a comedian unafraid to deliver his views and opinions with razor sharp precision leaving no stone unturned. This is a dark hard hitting comedy maestro daring to go where other comedians fear to tread, delivering you truth, honesty but most of all accuracy on the most current and controversial of topics.
Our second special guest is
Peter White, the clean living, clean joking Canadian who has the dubious honor of saying the word “c**t” 38 times within an hour on Raadio 2 last time he visited Estonia. Seriously, he is really is a nice boy and doesn’t swear much usually. He is Canadian after all
Tickets are 12€ and available from Piletilevi
Before the show and at half time the tunes will be coming from DJ Heivi Saaremets live in Kino Sõprus.
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Performing on the night
MAGNUS BETNER (SWE)
PETER WHITE (CAN)
Hosted by
LOUIS ZEZERAN (AUS)
STEWARTJOHNSON (USA)
DJ set provided by
HEIVI SAAREMETS
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Doors open 19:15
DJ Set by Heivi Saaremets
Show starts 20:00
Comedy Night Moves to HETK in Tallinn, Sept 5th!
The legend is back and has a new home! The Drink Bar Comedy Night has moved and is now The HETK Comedy Night! HETK is a fantastic new bar and restaurant in Rottermani and we are really happy to have this great new home for our beloved show.
As always the Comedy Estonia beer “Punch line” by Mikkeller will be on sale and be sure to come before the show for the lovely HETK food and enjoy the sounds of DJ Tõnis Mölder from 19:00 and at half time.
Our special guest headliner is Jen Carnovale from Australia. Jen has spent the last two years living in London, she has worked as a radio presenter on ABCs Triple J radio, won Sydney Comedy Festival’s Best Newcomer Award and was selected as one of the ‘Top 10 Next Big Things in Comedy’ by The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age. She just completed her Edinburgh Fringe run of ‘Jen Carnovale; Not a Person Person’ and a showcase called ‘Late Night Laughs at Lunch’. She adopted a cat and doesn’t steal, what a gal!
Also appearing on the night
Eric Hutton (our second special guest, from Australia!)
Stewart Johnson
Sander Õigus
Elen Veenpere
Host: Louis Zezeran
Tickets are 6€ available at the door, cash only. Show starts at 20:00 and DJ Tõnis Mölder is spinning the tunes from 19:00
4 more characters I see every day on the Tallinn trolley
Read Part One here: 6 characters I see every day on the Tallinn trolley
The Skunk
The Skunk smells like he slept in a septic tank but ironically waited to soil himself until just before he stepped on the trolley. I’ve seen entire trolley cars on the busy morning commute empty because of one skunk in the bank, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his stench is so offensive that people would rather be late to work than endure 20 minutes of smelling it.
The worst part about The Skunk is that there’s no way of appealing to him (or her). What do you say? “Please shower vigorously and burn the clothes you’re wearing before stepping on public transport again.” If the sight of people gagging and covering their noses can’t convince The Skunk that he needs to re-think his personal hygiene regimen, a few kind words won’t be effective, either.
The Socialite
There have been a few times on the trolley that I’ve spotted a young girl decked out in designer clothes from head to toe, texting furiously on a fake-jewel-encrusted iPhone, storing huge bug-eye sunglasses atop her bleached-blonde hair and asked myself, “Did Paris Hilton move to Tallinn?”
Obviously the answer is no – because Paris Hilton would never ride public transport. If the sign of a male rullnokk is to spend all of one’s money on a fancy car and live at home with one’s parents, then the sign of a female rullnokk is to spend all of one’s money on fancy clothes and ride the trolley between Mustamäe and Kesklinn every day. The Socialite appears to be the nucleus of a large social circle, constantly sending and receiving text messages that must certainly relate to tonight’s massive party. But if you could see The Socialite’s phone you’d realize that she’s simply chatting with SMS Laen, “earning” money for a new pair of shoes.
The Transporter
The Transporter has to move his stuff — and what better way to do so than to haul it onto public transport and get in everyone’s way? The Transporter clambers onto the trolley with multiple bags full of what look like knick-knacks from his living room: framed pictures taken in the 1950s, DVDs, clothes, cookware, and Matryoshka dolls. He hauls his bags of junk onto the trolley and lets out a massive sigh. He’s frustrated. He has to share the trolley with commuters.
The Transporter is not rude or inconsiderate; he simply doesn’t understand the meaning of the word public in the phrase public transportation. He interprets the word public to mean my, which is why he is visibly annoyed that so many people have decided to hitch a ride on his personal moving van today. I once had to share a trolley with a transporter moving a TV. He didn’t put it in the aisle, though – that would be impolite to the other passengers. He gave the TV its own seat.
The Whiney Foreigner
The Whiney Foreigner is impossible to miss: iPhone earbuds permanently in place, reading either some impressively urbane book on his Kindle or E Nagu Eesti, underdressed in the winter and the first to don shorts in the summer, and constantly scowling at his fellow passengers, from whom he interprets an offense every minute or so. The Whiney Foreigner rides the trolley in complete silence yet complains incessantly to his friends of the horror of public transportation in Estonia.
“The guy next to me on the trolley smells like a dumpster,” The Whiney Foreigner tweets on his way to work. When an old lady wearing a comically oversized coat sits next to him, squeezing his face against the window, he glares at her but backs down when she glares back even more menacingly. When The Whiney Foreigner finally gets off the trolley at his stop, he exhales conspicuously; a passive-aggressive way of telling everyone that he had been holding his breath for the entire trip to avoid the smell. No one notices.
Six signs that you’re too tan
I love this time of year: the air turns crisp and the sun retreats behind a layer of cloud cover that frequently treats Tallinn to short bursts of easy rain. But the best part about fall in Estonia is discovering which people regularly visit the solarium. Although not probable, it’s conceivable that someone in Estonia could have a tan during the summer. But sporting a tan in September is a farce; it’s a dead giveaway that a person goes tanning.
And while I’m no enemy of the artificial tan, some people are currently walking around Tallinn looking as if they locked themselves in a tanning bed and turned the dial to “crispy”. Here are six ways you can tell if you visit the tanning salon too often.
You’re frequently mistaken for a parking cone
If your skin has taken on the same shock-orange hue of a parking cone, you’re probably visiting the solarium too frequently. “But what’s wrong with being mistaken for a parking cone?,” you ask. “At least I won’t get hit by cars.”
Fair point. But people often use parking cones as improvised trash cans by putting garbage into the holes on the tops of them. Also, dogs pee on them.
Cheesy, bass-heavy porn music spontaneously begins playing whenever you’re around a member of the opposite sex
Picture this scenario: you discover that your refrigerator stopped working overnight, spoiling all of your cold cuts. You call a refrigerator repair man, who says he’ll come right over. But you’re dirty from playing softball with your sorority all morning: thinking you have at least 30 minutes, you jump into the shower. The doorbell rings, so you wrap a towel around yourself and open the door. Suddenly, porn music fills the air – it sounds like the opening credits of Seinfeld if the show had taken place in the 70s. You and the repairman lock eyes. “So,” he says. “I hear you’re having problems storing meat. I think I can be of assistance.”
Excessive tanning has turned your life into an adult entertainment movie. Congratulations, you’re a B-list porn star.
You’ve been invited to play an Oompa Loompa in a new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie
While the Oompa Loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory are associated with positive sentiments – they have respectable work ethics, they make something that everyone enjoys, they spontaneously break out into song – I doubt many people would feel comfortable sitting next to one on the bus. Which is to say, tanning your skin to the point that you look like an orange candy slave will most likely have a negative effect on your social life.
The broader point here is that, once a person’s skin color has left the “human tones” palette, that person is no longer doing themselves any favors by visiting the tanning salon.
People throw their drinks on you in public, thinking you’re on fire
I’ve never seen someone self-immolate, so I have no idea what it would look like. Most people don’t. That’s why it’d be easy to excuse someone for screaming “FIRE!” and throwing their drink on another person if that person’s skin radiated light and heat. I’ve had a few close calls on the tram with high school girls whose skin tone could best be described as “Minute Maid”.
Hunters stalk you, hoping to turn your skin into a handbag
One ironic side effect of excessive tanning is that it makes human skin look like that of a reptile. Some people apparently find that look attractive from a sexual perspective – keep me away from their porn collections – and some people find it attractive from a fashion perspective.
Unfortunately, in order for a snakeskin or alligator skin handbag to be produced, a snake or alligator has to die. Which is why it’s not advisable to tan yourself into looking like a lizard-human hybrid: people will try to kill you and turn your skin into multiple handbags.
Little children approach you constantly, asking for free KoolAid
The KoolAid man is one of the most beloved product spokesmen of all time – but being mistaken for him wouldn’t be very flattering. For one, the KoolAid man is extremely round: to be confused for him, a person would have to be morbidly obese. Second, the KoolAid man’s skin is a dark red hue: not only would tanning your skin to match that color cause physical harm, it’d also be ruinously expensive at 4 or 5 euros per tanning session.
If little children approach you on the street and ask you for free KoolAid, you’re too tan. You’re also attracting the attention of the police’s anti-pedophile task force.
Tallinn ExtremeZone: Danger Level 7
The Tallinn city council recently ordered the production of four promotional videos, at a price of more than €50,000, with the intention of introducing aspects of Tallinn to potential tourists that they may not have previously been aware of. The videos, titled “Design, arts, and crafts in Tallinn”, “Introducing Tallinn”, “A relaxing vacation in Tallinn”, and “Christmas in Tallinn”, will be produced in an effort to attract more tourists to the city.
But if the goal is simply to bring people here, why focus on things that are true? If the Tallinn city council wants to attract more tourists to the city, it needs to sell them a vision of a vacation that they won’t be able to experience anywhere else — even if that vision is a fantasy. So I’ve taken it upon myself to write the script for a fifth promotional video that will hopefully fill the void left by the snoozefests designed to get old grannies excited about visiting a wonderland of handicrafts and Christmas markets. I call it Tallinn ExtremeZone: Danger Level 7.
[Black screen. Foreboding music playing. Scrolling text, ala Star Wars]
In the year 1012, a powerful, evil wizard was apprehended by the peasants he had bedeviled for years and executed in a nondescript patch of woods near the sea. Before the peasants beheaded him, he cast a curse on the spot of land, damning it to a
millennium of chaos, turbulence, and maximum adventure. That spot of land was present-day Tallinn, and the curse expires next year. You’d better hurry if you want to visit…the most dangerous place on Earth.
[30-seconds of extreme guitar solo]
[Camera zoomed in on tower of Town Hall Square, pans down to narrator, standing in Raekoja plats]
Narrator: Welcome to Tallinn, the most dangerous place on Earth. Tallinn has been classified by the World Extreme Society, WES, as having a Danger Level of 7. This means it experiences a constant, imminent threat of wicked partying and getting wasted.
At any moment, I am in danger of spontaneously breaking out into party, getting into a firefight with members of the local resistance, being mortared and/or shelled, or hearing killer music. Please note: I am a trained professional and understand how to react in such situations. Amateurs may want practice on a less extreme city before visiting Tallinn — such as Mogadishu or Kabul.
[Video goes to black. 10-second guitar solo, slightly more extreme than introductory guitar solo]
[Camera zooms in on freedom monument, pans down to narrator, standing in Vabaduse Väljak]
Narrator: This is a town square where extreme behavior can be witnessed at any hour. One example is skateboarding, which you can see taking place behind me. Don’t let the apparent lack of skill or pre-pubescence of these skateboards fool you: they are extreme characters, and they shouldn’t be approached or taunted.
[Skateboarder falls behind narrator, begins to cry]
Narrator: We’d better get out of here. I think this is getting a little too extreme.
[Camera zooms in on Solaris Keskus sign, pans down to narrator, standing in front of entrance]
Narrator: I’m standing outside of the Solaris Keskus, considered the most extreme mall in the world. At any moment, the roof is liable to cave in. You [points to camera] have probably been shopping before, right? [Camera shakes up and down to simulate person nodding] Well, have you ever been…extreme shopping? [Narrator stares into camera while 10-second guitar solo plays] I didn’t think so. Follow me.
[Narrator walks through entrance and continues on, with back toward camera]
Narrator: Keep in mind that the roof might collapse at any moment. This is seriously dangerous, what we’re doing. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more extreme situation in a retail center. We will be lucky to make it out of this alive. My heart is racing; I think I’m going to need to sit down after this. We’re almost to the exit…just a few more seconds…almost there…[narrator walks through exit] Phew! We made it! That was a close call. Let’s get out of here.
[Camera zooms in on Club Hollywood sign, pans down to narrator, standing near fountain]
Narrator: Welcome to Hell. We’re outside the most extreme nightclub this side of Bangkok, called Club Hollywood. This isn’t for the faint of heart, I can tell you that much. Now, even an experienced extreme tourist like me can’t walk straight in here without some sort of protection: word has it that some STDs have evolved and become
native to Club Hollywood. I’ll be putting this hazmat suit on to talk to some of the patrons here.
[Video cuts to interior of nightclub. Narrator is wearing a full hazmat suit.]
Narrator: [muffled] Now, the music here can supposedly cause dementia after less than 30 minutes of exposure, so we’ll have to be quick. Let me talk to this guy over here. Excuse me, sir. Sir? You have a Australian flag tattooed onto your arm. Are you Australian?
Man: [incomprehensible]
Narrator: What advice would you give to other extreme travelers who wish to visit Tallinn?
Man: [incomprehensible]
Narrator: How are you coping with the dangers of Tallinn?
Man: [projectile vomits onto narrator]
Narrator: Biohazard! Biological attack! Get me out of here! Oh God, it stings! It stings! Help me! Help! I can’t feel my legs! I can’t feel my leeeeeeeeee…
[Narrator flails wildly and knocks camera to ground. Camera catches footage of narrator being hosed down by members of the film crew with what look like fire extinguishers]
[Blank screen. 10-second guitar solo]
[Camera zooms in on foliage of a tree, pans down to narrator, standing in front of Bronze Solider statue]
Narrator: I’m standing here in front of a statue known colloquially as the Bronze Soldier. Think this is some boring, old war monument? Think again. When this statue was moved to this war ceremony in 2007, people literally rioted in the streets for two days. If that’s not extreme, I don’t know what is.
Most people think the London riots were senseless – and those took place because the police killed someone. The Bronze Soldier riot just sort of happened: a statue being moved was reason enough for people to smash storefronts and light stuff on fire.
[Camera zooms in on tower of Town Hall Square, pans down to narrator, standing in Raekoja plats]
Narrator: Thanks for taking this tour with me of the most dangerous place on Earth. Even standing right here — in what would look like a pleasant, European town square to the untrained eye – is practically a death-wish.
[A stag party, all dressed in military fatigues, begins singing drinking songs in the background]
Narrator: Heavily militarized, the troops here in Tallinn are all drunk and apparently extremely horny – a deadly combination that even most adrenaline junkies would shy away from. But not you, the ultimate thrill-seeker. You want to come visit Tallinn because at any second, you could be caught up in a something…extreme.
[A member of the stag party stumbles into the narrator and projectile vomits on him]
Narrator: Biohazard! Biohazard! Get the extinguishers!
[Two members of the film crew begin hosing the narrator down with what look like fire extinguishers. The screen fades to black. 30 seconds of extreme guitar solo]